


Games of the Heart

by pxrcival



Category: Left 4 Dead, Left 4 Dead 2
Genre: M/M, YOUTUBERS AU!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 06:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxrcival/pseuds/pxrcival
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Looking back at their lives, if they had to pick an exact point where things changed forever, both of them would choose the same.</p><p>It all started the moment Ellis typed ‘Hi!’.	</p><p>--</p><p>did someone say nellis youtubers au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Youtubing Shit

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone! this is a Brand New nellis fanfic that has breached the scene :0  
> itll be multi chapter but i have no idea if ill finish it, but i hope i will!!  
> rated mature for later chapters :0

The entire evening, Nick had been sat inside waiting. He glanced over to his computer screen every few minutes, trying not to seem too interested to his roommate. After all, the situation was a little hard to explain. Common sense told him he was being stupid, and that Rochelle wouldn’t care at all – she had been the one to suggest it in the first place, after all. But the same underlying embarrassment that had followed him for the past two months prevented him letting on to just what was happening. Hell, he had a hard time admitting it to himself.

Leaning over to tap the F5 button, Nick felt a flicker of disappointment at the lack of change on the screen.  He moved back again with a sigh, glancing around the room. Rochelle had left her place on the old sofa, the faint voice from her room upstairs giving away where she’d gone. But after living with her for a while, he’d learnt to accept that when she did her vlogging shit, she moved. One second the woman could be a mile and a half away, and the next she was in the same room as you and your _one chance to get laid after a month of stress_.  

Yeah, he was still pissed over that. Really pissed.

Frowning at the memory, he reached over and pressed refresh again, trying to ignore the increasing volume of his roommate talking. His mood was already starting to plummet even further. The loud PM from a fan declaring ‘great news’ seemed a few hours away now, and with a glance at his laptop clock he realized it was. The time was 10pm, a clear indication that he needed to sleep, or he’d risk missing college again – something he really couldn’t do, considering he hardly went in as it was.

Another sigh of resignation escaped the man ashe slammed the device to a close. Just a few moments later their lounge door swung open, and Rochelle emerged holding a camera. Nick rolled his eyes, about to turn away, when he realized _she was holding a camera_ and it was _pointed right at him_. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” He snapped, pushing the laptop to the side roughly and sitting up.

The girl laughed, turning the camera around to face her. “There. You got a good look at my roomie. Happy, guys?” She backed into the door as she spoke, clumsily shutting it as she went.

…Great. So he was going to be on Ro’s channel again.  He just hoped none of her subscribers would recognize him and send her a message about how it was ‘kawaii desu that she lived with nick-senpaii~!’. God, he was cringing just thinking about it.

His eyes slid over to the laptop once more, feeling a familiar twinge of temptation. Maybe just one more refresh? Then he’d check his Facebook, and then he’d think that maybe 11pm wouldn’t be a bad time to sleep, until eventually he’d end up fucking himself over by staying up till 1am again. No, he was going to pass this time.

So he dragged himself to his room, changed, and collapsed onto his bed. He lay there angrily, counting sheep after sheep as he tossed and turned, trying to lull himself to sleep. Eventually he slipped into a dreamless sleep that turned out to be so useless he woke up the next morning, took one glance at the sunlight streaming in through the window, and fell right back asleep.

When he finally managed to wake up for good, it was 2pm and all of his classes were over.  The flat was quiet for once, a dead giveaway that Rochelle had taken her leave to be a good college girl. The thought made him snigger as he made himself a coffee. He honestly didn’t know how she did it, and there wasn’t a chance in hell that he admired her for it. She recorded her way through the day, edited long into the night, and then she still managed to get her ass into school and get good grades.

“The wonders of the world…” He muttered to himself as he sat at the empty table. The laptop stared at him from the other side of it, glaring at him. He cursed it under his breath. He probably should’ve felt relieved that Ro was out, but it just made him feel worse. He didn’t want to get excited, damn it! He wanted to not give a fuck so that when he got bored he could just drop it all without feeling guilty. He’d lived life like that, and he had no reason to change.

Yet at the same time…It felt nice. Stupidly nice. And he felt himself resigning to that fact as he reached over and pulled the device towards him, flipping the top open. The dark screen flickered to life and he wasted no time in hitting the ‘Google Chrome’ icon.

Opening the browser proved to be more nerve-wracking than Nick would’ve liked and his eyes trained on the spot where the bell would be. For a moment, nothing showed, disappointment running him through like a stake. Then the screen flashed once, and the red notification popped into view, looking incredibly intimidating for a red square.  For a moment or two he felt unsure. It was more than likely a reply to one of his comments, or even just a like. Youtube didn’t even have notifications for subscribers! It’d be better if he just stopped right there – wait no shit he clicked the bell, goddamn it Nick have some fucking control-

 

**_TheTerarriaAddict_ ** _commented on your video “ZomBomb shoo...”:_

_Wow! Great Vid! And Congrats On 10k Subs!_

_**Reply**   -  **Delete**_

 

It took a few seconds to register exactly what the comment meant, but the second it did his face dropped into an ‘o’ shape and of course he ended up staring at the screen like an idiot.

Ah. _There_ was the gratitude for Ro’s absence.

A few hours and another hundred checks of his channel to confirm that yes, he had 10,000 subscribers (10,010 to be precise) and no, he wasn’t actually still asleep, Nick finally forced down the emotion enough to make himself something to eat , yet the happy buzzing still floated around the back of his mind. Nick couldn’t muster the energy to be irritated at it. Instead, he settled for being tired of it.  He still had a thank you video to make, and then he’d probably record some more of his current ‘ZomBomb playthrough’. He didn’t even like the game – it was shitty and boring, but it was also his most popular series, so he dragged himself through it in the hopes of appeasing the masses. The last thought turned his smile to a sneer, and he threw a satisfying glare over his shoulder at the laptop.

Yeah, fuck that machine. Fuck it and the emotions that came with it.

Maybe he was being a little stupid. In the end, though, Nick wasn’t necessarily emotionless. To him, the whole situation was just really damn embarrassing, right back to the first time he’d found out about it. Ro had been talking to herself in the bedroom, so he’d gone to investigate. (who gives a fuck about privacy anyway?) That’s when he’d opened the door to her pointing a camera at herself, talking at god-speed about her day.

Then she’d noticed him, and his day went downhill from there. Between lectures about how it wasn’t stupid and her smug offhand comments that she was _oh so popular_ because of it, Rochelle had somehow got the idea that Nick was the perfect internet personality…Which then lead to her bugging him every other fucking second about how he’d really fit the job, and that he should at least just give it a try. The only reason she stopped going on about it was Nick half promising half threatening that if she didn’t shut up then he’d never do anything about it.

He didn’t plan to back then, of course, but it wasn’t a direct lie – and it got her to leave him alone, so it was good all around.

Honestly, Nick couldn’t remember the exact point where he sort of…gave up. It had been late, he was sure of that, and maybe he was a little drunk. He’d been calling with a friend for a while, and somehow they’d gotten onto the topic of videos.

“She just wouldn’t shuttha fuck up about it…Yknow?” He slurred into the microphone, watching the screen for a response. Equally out of it, the biker flopped forward, disrupting the camera. For a second the screen was black, and Nick giggled at the crashing noise and the torrent of swears that followed.

“C’mooon, Franz….Don’t keep me waitiiiin’.”

“Shut yer trap, stupid thing ain’t…Workin’ right.” The reply was punctuated with a hiccup, which just made Nick laugh harder, and eventually Francis joined in, the screen still covered in darkness.

“Ok…Oook…Well, I think you should go for it…’Cause, yknow, I ain’t never told anyone this but…I do that ssshit too…”

The camera was righted, and the first think Nick could think to say was, “Wouldn’t it be…Ain’t ever?”

“Fuck off.”

The pair of them laughed for another few minutes, broken off only when his friend’s words slotted into place in Nick’s hazy mind.

“The fuck do you mean you’ve got onea those…video…things?!” He snapped, and for a second he thought Francis almost looked scared. Then the shit-eating grin returned, complete with extravagant hand motions and yelling.

“Well…Yeah! No one knows who th’ fuck I am, though. An’ I make a looooot of boob jokes.” He chuckled again, despite Nick’s obvious irritation, and continued with his story.  “Like…This one time, I called this bot thing an ape! Fuck, man…It’s great fun. Especially when ya’ve got…Like…PEOPLE followin’ ya! That’s just kinda the icin on the cake…’Specially when they send you FREE shit….’Specially…’Specially’s a weird word, huh…Speh…Shaa…Leee….”

And then Nick had agreed and the topic changed so abruptly, it was like they’d never even talked about it. It wasn’t until the next afternoon, when he woke up slumped against his chair with an aching back and a splitting headache that he remembered the conversation they’d had. The bastard hadn’t even told him his damn name on the website…Or he had, and Nick had forgotten. He’d vaguely recalled something about penguins, but that was literally so unlike Francis he brushed it off as a figment of his imagination. He’d get it out of the fucker eventually.

And…Well, it had sounded fun…

So with a pounding headache, unwashed clothes and the smell of alcohol literally drenching him, Nick downloaded Fraps. (Illegally, of course.) It felt like every one of his moves was one he would regret – he was pretty sure he’d tried to talk himself out of it a million times – but eventually he opened Youtube and started up a channel with a name he was still embarrassed about.

TheNickzClickz. Fuck, what had he even been thinking?

Of course, that had been a year ago, when he was 25 and a freshman piece of shit.  Time passed, and it turned out that Rochelle had been right – people actually liked him. He was more known for his love/hate relationship with zombie games. They had to be just right, or they’d be shit. He never did hold back during his reviews, which was probably why people referred to him as a douchebag a lot of the time. But he was a funny douchebag, and that was why he’d managed to get so far.

But the worst thing about it all was that, somewhere in that whirlwind, he’d started caring. Actually, genuinely caring about the number of people that liked him enough to hit a damn button. It was pathetic. He was pathetic. There he was, still grinning about a pathetic number on a pathetic screen.

\--

Ellis wasn’t a star – far from it, really. His and Keith’s channel barely scratched at the surface of the expansive space they liked to call the ‘cybernet’. Honestly, most of the time he just called it an excuse to spend more time playing video games, but he was also pretty happy with the system they had.

In fact, he was really happy. Originally the whole thing had been a joke to them. Paul made a passing remark about how _‘only cool kids ‘kin do Youtube’_ which to then Keith decided that actually, they were cool kids, and he was going to prove it But he couldn’t do that alone, so he enlisted Ellis. Not that the mechanic had any complaints! He loved spending time with Keith, and he was kind of thankful for the more calm activity. And then it’d started to stick, and he got more and more into youtube scene.  

So when he’d seen one of his favourite lets players was close to a big number, he’d made just a little bit of a huge fuss about it.  Running around, telling his friends to subscribe to him, getting them to tell their friends – it was slightly over the top, sure, especially since Nick only needed one person, but Ellis wanted to make sure his idol definitely hit the milestone. After all of that was said and done, he spent about an hour wondering if he should message him, just to make sure he knew what he’d done. Then he used up another two typing out the damn thing, and around ten minutes debating on whether or not to actually sent it. After all, the email was long, and if Ellis had been anyone but himself he would've found it incredibly embarrassing…Two huge paragraphs of awful grammar and repeated praise was a recipe for disaster, and everyone seemed to see that except Ellis.

But the email had another point besides the obvious congratulations, one Ellis had 'hidden’ in the last line. It was a casual question, one you'd ask any of your friends without hesitation, and the perfect finish.

"do u wanna play 2gthr smtime? i have a lot of th games u have so i thnk itd be rly fun!" 

In the end though, the stress of talking to the Nick turned out to be too much for him and the email had been deleted. At least, he thought that was the case, but then he remembered that the send and delete button were basically the same thing and well…Ellis didn’t have the steadiest hand in the world…And of course, all of the remembering happened while he was sat face to face (face to screen?) with a message from the coolest guy in the world.

But maybe Ellis had hidden the last question too well, or phrased it too casually, and maybe he'd even done both, because when he finally got a reply after a whole day of waiting there was no acknowledgement of the question at all. In fact, there wasn't really much of... anything. The message was surprisingly short, a stark contrast to the long (and often angry) rants that punctuated his videos. 

"Thanks for the support, kid. It's nice to hear I have support." 

Ellis was a little disappointed, naturally. He'd been looking forward to talking to and maybe even befriending Nick, but the poor man was probably flooded with messages of congratulations, and that was okay! Still…Ellis figured one more email couldn’t hurt, plus he’d make sure to tell the man that he didn’t have to respond. Just in case he felt guilty or something. And _this_ time it wouldn’t be a mile long. A new resolve welled up inside Ellis, one that inspired him to make the perfect email. It could be done, it would be done, and Nick wouldn’t have any reason to not notice him anymore!

Looking back at their lives, if they had to pick an exact point where things changed forever, both of them would choose the same.

It all started the moment Ellis typed ‘Hi!’.  

\--

Across the next few days, Nick began to grow slowly more annoyed with the thing that could only be described as a pest that appeared in his inbox.

The first time he got an email from him, Nick brushed it off. It was kind of creepy, and he wanted nothing to do with someone who thought that sending a veritable fucking mountain of a letter to your ‘idol’ was okay. Plot twist, dumbass - it wasn’t! Nick hadn’t even read the damn thing in the end, instead just replying with the same message he’d sent in reply to all the other congratulations. Thanks for subscribing, nice to know I have support…Bullshit, but it kept the people happy.

He thought that would’ve been the end of it, but apparently they had another plan. The very next day he woke up to another email from the one and only ‘TwoSouthenersPlay’. He sighed, ignored it, then went on with his day just a little more annoyed than normal. He’d have to reply eventually, and that was the most agitating thing of all. From what little of the email he had read, ‘Ellis’ was apparently the reason he’d hit his goal at all, so Nick didn’t want to risk pissing him off.

But Jesus, did he have to type like he was constantly high? Hell, maybe he was. That would explain the obsession with him. He laughed at that, ignoring the weird look Rochelle gave him. Maybe he could humour the kid. Email him a few times, keep him happy till he got bored. That didn’t sound too bad, and it wasn’t like Nick was a novice at faking things. 

All of the deciding happened before Nick actually read the email, because who the fuck plans ahead? So, after a few drinks and a long ass Skype call with Francis, he scanned the mass of writing. It was smaller than the last email, but just skimming it he felt his will to live crumble.  The ride hadn’t even begun, and Nick could tell it was going to be a long and painful one.

Christ, why did he have to be so nice to people?


	2. Wait, fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize, the better half of this was written on mobile late at night and therefore it is not. up to standard  
> [sweats]  
> but thank u for all of the support ive gotten so far!! its been real nice!1

Three days had passed since he’d made first contact with Ellis. Three days, days that had Nick starting to think he’d never give up. The man would reply to his short and sarcastic emails with mounting excitement, like every word he got was worth gold. It both scared, confused and irritated him. But the one thing that really pissed the gamer off was how god damn friendly Ellis was. He used too many exclamation points. He complimented Nick constantly, to the point where it was starting to get a little creepy. He even put kisses at the end of his emails. _Kisses._

After the third email, Nick decided that the hick reminded him of a puppy. Always there, a constant annoyance that had a tendency to nip at your feet, and it was pushing him very close to the end of his tether, and he knew from experience how bad that was. He considered himself patient, but Ellis…Ellis may as well have been inhuman.

By the fifth, he was seriously considering just telling what he had come to know as ‘the pest’ to fuck off and take the losses with the very alluring gains. Ellis had, in a series of badly typed pieces of text, managed to grate on every single one of his nerves. It was even starting to spread to the quality of his videos, with comments popping up all over the place asking why he sounded irritated, or kept grating his teeth. Others wrote it off as stress, and he didn’t really care what they thought in the first place, so he let them believe that. It was a nice idea too. He wished it was stress. God, how he wished it was stress. Anything was better than fucking shithead moron Ellis.

Then the sixth email came along,  the first one that was under ten lines long and typed neatly. In fact, Nick actually managed to read the whole thing - and the contents made his jaw drop, an action that was noticeable enough that Rochelle snorted at him from her place across the table.

The email had three very noticable, very important things. The first was it contained Ellis’ skype. The second was he was asking Nick up-front to just play a damn game with him already. The third? Said game was the most hyped of the century, with only 500 people owning the Beta version. Ellis was apparently one of these people. And he had two copies.   
Across the next ten minutes Nick was vaguely aware of himself typing out a reply, but it wasn’t until the final word was typed and the send button was clicked that he realized what he’d just done. It certainly wasn’t part of the plan, but the truth was undeniable - he had just written the most enthusiastic email in his life. To Ellis. All complete with his Skype, Steam, a request to do a series with the hick and even a little gratitude. To Ellis.

When he was a young boy, Nick had been told by his mother never to feed the stray cats that lived on their street. She told him with great conviction that they were scrounging, dirty fleabags (the same words she used to describe him the day she threw him out) and if they got wind of food they would keep coming back for more. Of course, at eleven years old, the only reasonable reaction to a warning was to rebel - and he never even understood the problem in the first place. Not even when his mother opened the back door one evening to find a gathering of about thirty strays, yowling for food. Fifteen years later and he was just starting to get the memo, because Ellis replied to his own enthusiasm with enough excitement that would put a 5 year old at Disneyland to shame. 

It was the worst email yet. Nick was not looking forward to Skype.

\--

All evening, he’d been buzzing. Unable to sit still, going off on long spiels about useless topics - it was obvious to everyone around him that something was up.  
 It was mystifying, and when something mystified Keith, he had to get to the bottom of it. Of course, it wouldn’t take too long - when you’d been someone’s best bud for all 23 years of their life, secrets weren’t really a thing. With that idea in mind,  he edged into the living room, preparing himself for the challenge. Ellis was nose-deep in an intense game of CoD at the time, and Keith could tell it was going to take some extreme measures to cut him off, but the southerner was never one for patience.

"Ellis." 

No response.

" _Ellis_."

The hick grunted, clearly telling Keith to fuck off.

"Ellis, are yew losin yer mind?"

"What?"

That did the trick. Ellis’ eyes flicked from the screen to him, eyebrows quirked in a curious frown. Keith kept his expression level and continued, knocking his friend’s controller to the floor. Ellis practically screamed, but Keith caught his arm and forced him to focus.

"Yew heard me. Sumthin’s up, an’ yew haven’t told no one. So I’m here thinkin’, ah, maybe he’s just gone n’ lost it? This is El, y’know, I wouldn’ be surprised none-"

"Keith. I ain’t insane. Now fuck off n’ let me finish this game." The normally light hearted tone was nowhere to be found in the southerner’s voice, and Keith was once again reminded how seriously Ellis took gaming. 

"No. Not ‘till you tell me what’s botherin’ yew!"

The curious frown was now an angry glare, and the sigh that escaped him could only be described as huffy. But even then an excited light danced in his eyes, stopping the mechanic from being really pissed off with his friend. Keith smirked and spread his arms. 

"Well?" Another sigh from Ellis.

"…Yew know that uh, one real cool guy I was tellin’ yew to subscribe to last week?"

Of all the topics he’d considered, Keith hadn’t expected that. At all. In fact, it was probably Ellis trying to throw him for a loop…But at least he was talking. So he nodded, humouring his friend.

"Yeah, yew told Dave n’ even called Paul up, what about ‘im?"

“I jus’ went an’ got his Skype details, that’s what!" 

If it wasn’t for the unbound glee in his voice, Keith would’ve been sure that Ellis was fucking with him. But it was easy to see that he was serious, and that was probably the most confusing thing about the situation. But in his thought he must’ve hesitated, because his friend’s smile wavered.

"…Sorry. Sounds stupid, don’t it?" The mechanic tried to laugh it off nervously, eyes darting away from him, and the redhead felt a stab of guilt. 

"Yeah, it does." Ellis’ face fell even further, but Keith leaned over and punched him gently on the shoulder. "But if it’s gone n’ gotten yew all excited, then ‘m willin’ to bet it ain’t dumb at all."

Instantly he brightened, and before Keith could stop him or move, Ellis had him wrapped in a tight hug. He returned it happily, and they stayed there for another few moments. Eventually Ellis pushed him off and stood up, trademark grin plastered on his face. 

"I’d best be goin’ to see if he’s accepted yet. Yew tell Coach thanks from Ellis, wouldja?"

Keith nodded, not entirely sure he understood, but it was obviously something to do with that Nick guy.  Ellis darted out of the room, yelling a thanks behind him, and silently Keith wondered why that had been the fastest he’d ever seen him run.

  
-

  
Across the country, in a small shared flat, a man felt his world ending around him. The days had been leading up to it, the moment where he’d lose all hope and give in to despair. But the worst thing about it all was the fact that he had caused it. The whole situation could’ve been avoided, and he would have lived out his days happily, recording videos half-heartedly whenever he got the chance. He would’ve failed his Medical A-Level and gone on to live with different people every week before ending up on the streets, but fuck, at least it was better than this.

Anything would be better than Ellis.

“hey nick!!! this is ellis even tho u probably already noticed bc my naem on here is ellis but the point is hi !! im really excited 2 be playin a game with you ur so cool!!”

Oh god. Just looking at the mess of text made him want to vomit. Oh _god_. He thought Ellis’ emails were bad – but it looked like with those he at least spell checked the damn thing. One message in, and Nick could tell things were just going to go downhill from here. Even on call he’d have to deal with a probably stupid accent. He hadn’t actually heard Ellis before, not even on a video – the few seconds he had been on his channel, the dumbass doing the subscribe thing had introduced himself as Keith. He’d clicked off almost instantly.

Sighing heavily, he forced himself to tap out a deliberate and polite reply. Idly, he wondered if Ellis would ever catch on to how much he disliked him. The answer was probably no. He decided to hope for it anyway.

“hello, ellis.”

He felt himself cringing even as he sent the message. It felt slow and painful, and once again he questioned why he was still going along with it. Why he kept on with the incessant compliments, the stupid and long emails (and soon to be Skype messages) that made no sense in the slightest, the cute way he always used too many exclamation points-

Wait.

Cute?

Oh, hell no. Ellis was not cute. Not in the slightest. He was annoying, illiterate, a failure, and probably had the most unattractive face on the planet. And Nick was determined not to enjoy a single second of his time spent with the hick, no matter how much he wanted to, because he hated Ellis. Yeah, he liked the sound of that. He hated Ellis. He was in the middle of brooding on that fact when the familiar noise sounded in his headphones, and he glared at his screen.

“so man just tell me when u wanna get this game started!!! i sent u the game on steam already tho lol so just tell me ok we can even record”

Recording with Ellis…The idea made him snort. No matter how beneficial it could be for his channel, he did not want anyone getting the idea that the two of them were anything close to friends. He’d just wait it out, and record some videos once the whole thing had finally blown over. If it ever did. It probably wouldn’t, if Ellis stayed as persistent as he was now. God, he was so screwed.

\--

The mechanic would’ve liked to say it took a lot of effort to get his hands on two shiny Beta copies of one of the most hyped games ever, but the truth was, it hadn’t. A close family friend of his that went by the name Coach had connections to the producers of it, and when they’d asked for testers, he’d suggested Ellis and Keith. The man had even managed to get them a recording permit, whatever the hell that meant.

And yeah, the second copy had been meant for Keith, but zombie games weren’t his thing anyway. Ellis figured he wouldn’t mind that much in the long run, and if he did, Ellis had some money saved up to buy his friend the game the day it came out. Just in case. But really…he had to let Nick have the game. It was his lucky break!

Except things weren’t exactly looking the way he’d expected. Nick had seemed so happy at the initial idea, but that was a world away from the obviously unenthusiastic Skype messages he was getting now. His offer to record had been shot down so quickly, he was scared to ask again. Maybe Nick was in a bad mood, he reasoned with himself. That had to be why. But an underlying feeling that the other man just did not like him had been building since the very first moment, and though he’d brushed it off time and time again, it was becoming something that was very hard to ignore.

He wanted Nick to like him, to be his friend. While he did find Nick incredibly interesting and cool as an idol to look up to, it was also something more. He desired his companionship, to change the fact that all of Nick’s videos had been recorded alone. But the cold reality seemed to be that it was that way because he wanted it to be. A small, defeated sigh left Ellis. He didn’t bother replying to the “maybe later” on his screen, or even replying at all. Instead, he pulled up Netlix and settled down for a marathon of Pokemon films.

\--

A day. That was how long Ellis had been silent for. No long and drawn-out emails, no Skype messages, not even a ‘hey’ on Steam. It was bliss for Nick, not having to drag himself through hell just to keep one person happy. That was, after all, anything but his style. He tried not to wonder why Ellis had just stopped, forced any guilt he may have had out of his system. He’d gotten what he’d wanted and the stress was all gone. Carefully curious comments were no more. He was free at last.

The second day, Nick experienced something very strange. In the old apartment, empty and silent, he felt lonely. And he didn’t know why. It couldn’t be because of Ellis. He’d barely spent any time at all talking to him! Why would he feel bad? But that was a question he couldn’t answer. Yet the overbearing feeling remained, no matter how hard he tried to shake it off. So the first time in weeks, he showered, dressed and went to class…Only to be hit with the realization that wow, he had no fucking friends there at all. It was almost terrifying, sitting alone while people talked and laughed around him.

The feeling got worse.

On the third day, he broke the silence. It was a just a simple ‘hi’ at first, but for some reason Nick didn’t want to sound like the asshole he actually was, so he quickly threw a ‘you okay?’ onto the end of it. He had no idea if Ellis would reply, but he figured it was worth a try. Better than sitting alone in the darkness, he thought glumly to himself. Yet not even five minutes later, there it was.

“hey nick!! whats got you all nicey suddenly? i was starting to think you hated me!” Nick expected himself to groan, or roll his eyes, and then he’d regret ever starting the conversation again. But the negativity never came. Instead he smiled. Smiled at Ellis, how stupid he was, how much he hated him, and he stayed that way all through the conversation that took them long into the night.

\--

The next morning, Nick woke to the sound of birdsong and the sight of Rochelle stood at the foot of his bed holding a frying pan.

"You. Up. Now." She commanded with a smirk, waving the pan in a way that could probably be seen as threatening. She didn’t look angry, just smug, so Nick nodded and slowly got up. She nodded her approval and left.

Thirty minutes and a bowl of cereal later, Nick was sat at their shared table still none the wiser to why his flatmate had gotten him up at seven on a weekend. All through the morning she has been glancing over at him and smirking like she knew something he didn’t, and it was starting piss him off. 

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them, and Nick was about to get up and leave when Rochelle coughed and put down her phone.

"Nick, honey, I have a few…things I need to address." She smiled sweetly at him, to which Nick responded with a glare. She didn’t wait for him to speak.

"First of all…Congratulations on ten thousand subscribers! You’ve done so much better than I expected you to."

Oh, wait.

"Secondly, I’m glad you actually listened to my advice. I’m going to just say it now, okay? So prepare. I know how much you hate having your ego bruised." She paused briefly. "I told you so."

Oh dear.

"And finally…You need to rename your channel. What were you thinking when you came up with it, suit?”

Good fucking grief.

"How." Was all he could say, his expression a mixture of horror and anger. Rochelle giggled and waved his question off, hopping down from the bar stool breezily.

"You just have some dedicated fans, that’s all. You should love them, suit. ‘Cause a lot of them love you."

Then she was gone, out of the front door in a flash.

Nick made a mental note to kill her when he next got the chance.


	3. Chapter 3

For Rochelle, college changed almost nothing in her life. She had a routine, one that was relatively simple; wake up at seven, make herself breakfast, dress, shower and be out of the door by nine. The only things that really seemed different were the faces and the location. She'd been lucky enough to get classes that stayed consistent throughout the week, and because of that, it semeed she wouldn't have to edit her lifestyle any more than maybe using a different brand of coffee when they ran out of the usual.

  
But while it was all very organized and neat, Rochelle also found it painfully- no, agonizingly boring. She loved her classes and was still as excited about journalism as she was all those years ago, but even the novelty of that was starting to wear thin. She'd never really been a lover of adventure. Rather, she preferred to curl up and write or read for a few hours to going out in the pouring rain, chasing after a mythical 'idol' that probably didn't exist. Even books about it bored her. No, Rochelle was definitely not the adventurous type.

  
But the idea of going through the same thing every single day was one that brought dread to the mind, even for her. And her roommate wasn't any help either. Nick had a tendency to sleep all day and stay up all night, and she hadn't seen him go to class since the first week they'd shared a flat. Sure, she had plenty of friends there, but they all seemed to have the same ways as her, living almost like a machine and content with it too. It only took Rochelle a few weeks to 'snap' - storming out for seemingly no reason when the conversation about one of their toasters breaking got too much.

  
That was the day she met Zoey, lonely and still really god damn bored, flicking through an old music store. She'd appeared, all smiles, behind the counter and asked if she liked the Midnight Riders. Rochelle had politely told her, no, she didn't. Zoey paused for a moment, scrunching her face up slightly, before she grinned and giggled an agreement. Rochelle could literally remember the first real words her best friend had said to her, an energetic kickstarter that would stay with them forever.

  
"Word, sister!"

  
Since then, things had changed, and Rochelle knew they were all for the better. The two girls had exchanged Skypes after a kind of awkward conversation, but to her it seemed like the brunette was a hope for new things. And once they really got into the friendship, Rochelle realized Zoey was pefect for that role. Three months later and everything was falling into place. Zoey had brightened up Rochelle's life, and even so late on she was still bringing fun things to the table. Like YouTube.  
And Rochelle went with it like she always did, laughing and enjoying every minute without considering the consequences. Because somewhere in the middle of all the sneaking into VIP parties and climbing trees in dark woods, Rochelle had found her adventurous streak. To her, 'vlogging' (as Zoey put it) was a walk in the park. So on Friday afternoon, after all their classes were said and done, they went to their local tech shop and bought two cheap cameras.

  
Fast forward another year, and there they were. Zoe and Ro. The Dynamic duo. It had taken a while for their channels to pick up, but when they did, fame started to creep up fast. They hadn't been recognized at college yet, and that was just another grace to her. Because Rochelle knew, she just knew, that if someone recognized her, she would die.

  
\--

  
"Hey! Hey, oh mah gawd, you're Rochelle!"  
Rochelle paused, the heavy and unfamiliar southern accent stopping her in her tracks. She straightened after a moment and looked up to see a brunet racing towards her, eyes lit up like...he had seen...a...celebrity...

  
"Like, THE Rochelle! TheChelle! I was thinkin' it was yew, and it was! Hoo boy!"

  
The sound of her channel name confirmed it. Her worst nightmare had come true. Someone in real life had found her.

  
"It's a real darn pleasure, ma'am! Ya'll have no idea how hyped El 'n Keith'll be! Well, more El than Keith, but I bet yew Keith will be excited too!"

  
She hollowly stared at his outstretched hand, the overwhelming sense of horror making it hard to think. Had this guy come to find her especially? Was he new to their class? What the fuck was going on?

  
"Since Ellis loves yer roommate, I mean. Like, not love love, but yew get th' idea."

  
And then, oh god, what if this kid attracted more attention? Where did Nick come into this?

  
Wait, Nick?

  
"Uh...Ma'am? I dunno if ya know this, bein' from the North 'n all, but yew take the hand 'n shake it with yer own."

  
Rochelle stared at him for a few more seconds before what was happening registered in her mind. She forced herself to jolt out if the panicked reverie and took his hand, smiling nervously.

  
"Right, uh..Hello. Sorry about that. Never been..." She trailed off, trying to find the right words.

  
"Seen in public?" The man offered, still grinning like an idiot. After a moment his expression turned shocked and he straightened up, coughing.

  
"Oh shit, I went 'n forgot to introduce mahself! Paul Marshall." As he spoke, he offered his hand and waited for a moment before he paused, once, and then sheepishly pulled it back again. "Sorry. Force o' habit."

  
"It's fine." Rochelle tried for a smile, but instead it just ended up looking like she'd just murdered someone and was in the process of being interrogated. The two stood for a few moments in awkard silence until Rochelle finally mustered up the courage to cough and move away.

  
"I'll be uh, on my way. Got classes to go to." She lied, wondering to herself how obviously faked her grin was.  
Paul didn't seem to notice though, thank god, and he nodded at her as she left. "Sure. Say hi to Nick for me, would yew?"

  
She'd nodded back, gone home, and forgotten all about it. It wasn't till later that she realized she'd never called Nick by name in a video before.

  
\--

  
"All this time, he's been doin' it under yer nose?"

  
Rochelle and Paul had been sat together at the cafe for at least an hour, talking about mindless things as Paul tried to lead her into talking about Youtube and Rochelle dodged it. Eventually Paul had found his way there. Because apparently, Rochelle had no idea that Nick was recording videos - popular videos - right underneath her. And that was how they came to talk about it, the southerner smiling lazily and Rochelle planning a murder.

  
"Yeah. He's a real son of a bitch, hey?"

  
The two chuckled quietly, and Rochelle was relieved to feel some of the awkward atmosphere melting away.

  
"And yew never noticed? Girl, that ain't right." He didn't say it unkindly, but the shadow of a frown still ghosted over her features. Unfortunately, Paul noticed, and any atmosphere that had started to form shattered.

  
"Hey, I'd better get going. Skype me, alright? Name's just Rochelle dot s."

  
Paul straightened up and nodded, eyes lighting up like a puppy. "'m P.Marshall. Icon's muhself, so yew shouldn't have too many problems."

  
That was where they parted ways for the weekend, and Rochelle's fun really started.

  
\--

  
"Own up, sweetheart. How the fuck do you know?" The words were angry, drawn out. Nick was nearing the end of his tether and Rochelle knew it, yet she still wouldn’t give up the secret. She’d just smirk at him, ignoring the question completely as she went through one of her mundane tasks. She’d barely sat down all day. Maybe she was just too ‘hyped up’ from discovering one of Nick’s biggest secrets.

  
He knew he couldn’t have hidden it forever. That it coming out was a sad inevitability, so he’d pushed the thought aside and hoped that when it did he would’ve moved on from Youtube and gaming. Sure, Rochelle would’ve laughed at him, but she’d forget or get bored eventually.

  
But it seemed ‘destiny’ had a better plan for him, one that involved copious amounts of embarrassment. A promise that no matter what, he'd never get to live it down. Every new video was something Rochelle would see it, and for some reason that bugged him more than the 10,000 eyes on him. Maybe it was because she could judge him with a chance of the words getting through, or maybe he just didn't want to make himself look like a fool. But whatever had caused the feeling, Nick knew the best option for him was to just stop. Stop making videos, drop a quick five minute apology update and move on with his life.

  
But Nick wasn't a quitter, nor was he one to pick the best route. No matter how much he complained or denied enjoying his work, Nick had always firmly believed that the ride would end on his terms. It would be his decision. This was the exact opposite of that. This was the man chickening out because one specific person had seen his shit. What did it matter that person was his roommate? It made him sound like a wimp, and for all his obvious personality flaws, Nick was not a wimp.

  
“Why the hell does it even matter so much to you, suit? Let it go.” Even though Rochelle was turned away from him, Nick could hear the shit-eating grin in her voice. “It’s not the end of the world.”

  
She was right, of course. It wasn’t. But he was stubborn, and giving up an argument wasn’t his style, even if it was the smartest option. He was about to reply with something sharp and witty that rhymed with ‘buck foo’ when Rochelle whirled around and cut him off, still beaming.

  
“Anyway, I have to go out and see Zoey. Have fun recording, okay?” She waved at him cheerily, already prepared to dodge the book he threw at her as she headed towards the door. The bang it made as it closed was kind of eerie, preceding a silence Nick had been praying for since the argument had started an hour earlier. He sat there for a few more moments, taking it all in.

  
Fuck.

  
With a sigh, he flipped open his laptop and followed the usual opening routine: Google, Skype, Fraps. Rochelle or no Rochelle, he had a following to please. So what better way to take advantage of the silence than to record? There was no one around. He could play all he wanted.  
So why was he hesitating, eyes trained not-so-subtlety on the Skype icon, willing it to flash a familiar orange? It had to be stress, he told himself. No way in hell was he waiting for someone to message him. That hadn’t happened in a long time, and he had no reason for it to happen now. He kept telling himself that there was no reason, none at all, even when his heart skipped a beat at a notification that came from none other than Ellis.

  
\--

 

[ellis] nick nick nick nick!! nick we shud call!

  
Nick stared at the screen for a few moments, frowning as he thought. Calling with Ellis meant potentially spending (and wasting) hours on end listening to his stupid accent. He was annoying enough in text. But still, he couldn't forget the night they'd spent together. It hadn't been anything remarkable, just a few hours of talking about useless shit, like the fact that Ellis used to have two cats, but the thought of it still brought a stupid smile to his stupid face.

  
Ellis hadn't brought up recording since the day Nick had, for lack of better words, scared him off and he wasn't sure whether he was grateful or worried by it. They'd only played one game together, an in-browser flash game Ellis had called 'the best thing to ever grace the internet'. Nick had agreed with him the second he got a card reading 'An unending wave of fire ants' because fuck, that was the best thing he'd read all week.  
But all of that had been in text, and the idea of  actually speaking real words and hearing Ellis' real voice made him apprehensive. It wasn't even that big of a deal - he hadn't felt like this with anyone else. Then again, Ellis did seem to be a person for firsts.

  
[nick] yeah sure why not

  
What kind of answer was that, dumbass? The criticism was harsh and silent. To Nick, it looked like he was trying to be cool, and Nick had no doubts that Ellis would think he was.  Whixh would probably lead to teasing - that or the southener actually thought he was cool and was fanning himself at the reply. The image made him laugh, and slowly he stopped worrying. If he didn't like Ellis to the point where he really was unbearable, that would be the end of that, no harm done.

  
Almost instantly, the familiar Skype ringtone filled his headphones, making a startled Nick jump half out of his seat. Of course Ellis would've taken that as a "Yes, call me right now, fucking do it do it do it", giving him no time to prepare at all.

  
In the back of his mind, a small and insignificant voice asked 'prepare for what?'. Nick, of course, ignored it because voices in heads were the stuff of movies and he already knew the answer. To get...his shit in order. Not because he wanted to put together something to say to impress the stupid hick, hahaha where did that thought even come from.

  
"Nick? Man, did yew go 'n ditch me? Dick move."

  
Ellis' accent was obvious, just like Nick had expected it to be, but even worse was the fact that the northerner was finding it cute. Finding Ellis cute. Just the connotations of that made him into, for lack of better words, a stuttering mess.

  
"H-Holy jesus, Ellis. You sound like...Shit, what the fuck."

  
"Like..? Yuh're soundin like yuh've never heard someone from up 'ere before!"

  
A giggle punctuated the sentence and Nick was already really regretting agreeing to the idea, because never in a million years did he think that Ellis would be the one laughing at him. He needed to get right the fuck back on track, the one way he knew how.

  
"You sound like the type of person who fucks their mom."

  
Nailed it.

"Nick, yew 'n I both know I don't sound nothin' like yew. I was thinkin' more...Incredibly hot an' badass."

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohh god idk if im gonna b able to finish this you guys...this whole chapter was a drag to write and i dont like it n i have no inspiration for the future...idk im rly sorry it toook so long!!

**Author's Note:**

> the ages in this ARE different, and im really sorry about that and if id thought that nick would be 35 and a youtuber i wouldve kept them the same but i dont, im real sorry. plus theyre in college so
> 
> nick/francis = 26  
> rochelle/zoey = 25  
> ellis/keith = 23
> 
> also francis' channel is this one here: http://www.youtube.com/user/penguinz0?feature=watch


End file.
